If you remain passive, you will be told what to do and want.

This is a story about the DANGER of not having your own opinion.

And why you NEED to form your own opinions in life.

It started with me in bed one night, struggling to sleep one night because I had too much caffeine (idiotic, I know).

I started thinking about how grateful I am to spend little moments of joy with my dad since he flew over to Sydney back in July to accompany mum and I for her surgery.

I started thinking about - how he’s always been a very amicable, calm, level headed and rational man.

Which is what I LOVE about him.

But it’s also the thing I dislike about him (at times).

With time and perspective, I’ve come to understand why and have patience and empathy for him.

Because at the end of the day - we are all human and flawed.

Noone is perfect.

And I can’t and shouldn’t impose my values, beliefs and expectations on my dad because it isn’t fair.

Everything is about a happy middle line and compromising on things to be able to communicate with one another.

At times, it’s almost as if he’s afraid to have an opinion.

He’s too neutral that he goes along with what mum wants 98% of the time.

Or what others want.

Which sets him up on a path of (unintentional) enabling and being overly accommodating with what she wants regardless of whether she’s right or wrong or being fair in the situation.

This led to unwanted tension, conflicts, anger and frustration when she doesn’t get what she wants.

It takes time, patience, courage to call her out on it when she is being unfair.

I’ve noticed that dad doesn’t call her out, but I will.

I’ve come to understand why he doesn’t.

He wants to keep the peace and move on.

He wants to avoid conflict and arguments.

It’s “easier” to give in than to fight for what’s right.

But I don’t want to do “easy”.

Not anymore.

Especially after I called her out last year, to her leaving the house to her sister’s place, to us crying and reconciling → which improved and transformed our communication and relationship.

You can read about it here, or listen or watch my SBS feature here.

Sure, it may not get through to her right away but I will try.

Witnessing this pattern from my parents and seeing their communication go south has made me realize how DANGEROUS it is to not have your own opinion.

Visualize that and x 30+ years of the same pattern of behavior and communication = it forms a perspective of privilege that she is not aware of.

Because when you don’t have an opinion, you will be assigned one.

Or imposed, given, projected, forced onto you by others.

-Me

By your employer.

By your partner.

By your friends.

By your parents.

By society.

By comparison.

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Here is the secret to clarity & inner peace

The key to clarity - is yourself.

Is to dig deep on what it is you WANT.

What it is you DONT WANT in your life.

What you VALUE.

What doesn’t ALIGN with and for you.

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The DANGER of NOT KNOWING… is others will TELL YOU WHAT TO WANT AND DO.

Because of your lack of clarity, you will go along with them.

This is what give birth to my idea of this Newsletter.

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You can’t not have your own thoughts views beliefs and opinions about life.

You can’t stay netural and passive forever.

You need to take a stand for yourself, for somethings that matter to you at some point.

Word of caution - identify the line, being too opinionated is arrogance.

The complete lack of opinions is “blissful” ignorance.

There are times where you need to shut the fuck up about things you don’t understand.

There are times you need to speak the fuck up to protect yourself, your worth, self esteem and you as a human being.

TIP NUMBER ONE → Identify your own middle line.

Your body, mind, your emotional reactions is an indication of where that line sits.

When you feel angry about something.

When you feel resentful towards something or someone.

When you feel disappointed.

When you feel sad.

They are clues your mind and body is giving you - that something isn’t right for you.

Listen to it.

TIP NUMBER TWO → DON’T BE AFRAID TO FORM AN OPINION

You need to take a stand.

You need to be polarized.

You need to stand by your beliefs and values.

But you need to know what THEY ARE.

Which help you form your own opinions and perspective.

Because if you don’t, you will be assigned one.

You will be given one.

It will be imposed on you by society.

You will get lost in other people’s wants and expectations.

You won’t have clarity over what you want.

That is the danger here.

Imagine waking up in 30 years time wondering where time went when you were afraid to stand by what you want and you were too busy living someone’s life with the choices you (ignorantly intentionally) made.

In this specific context, you need to realize that there is noone to blame but yourself.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Reclaim your power and control.

It exists within you.

Access it.

Here is a way out if you are interested.

Get started and identify your values here.

Choose the fear of regret over the fear of “failing” and fear of being “wrong” - Me

Note: My intention here is not to bad-mouth anyone, but to document my learnings from everything life gives and gifts me with.

There is a learning lesson in everything in life.

That is the approach I’ve adopted that has helped me to where I am at today.

I hope this Newsletter helps you in some way and allow you to take a piece with you in your life and your relationships.

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That is it for this Newsletter.

Join the top 5% of self-improvers by figuring our your shitty defaults patterns. Subscribe to my Newsletter HERE.

The podcast version of this newsletter will be up this week, follow Eunice.Co podcast on Spotify here.

Listen to my latest podcast episode on The Art of Speaking up Here.

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If you'd like to get in touch and book in a 1:1 therapy & coaching session to start identifying your mental patterns and want to REWIRE them, click Here.

If you are ready to be challenged and want to rewire your limiting beliefs, get started with Attack The Roots Of Your Patterns. This ebook will ask you questions that shake you up at your core that you will see yourself, the world and others differently.