Everything is subjective
From the moment we are born, we become our own hero and villain.
We get taught, moulded and conditioned into who we are today.
For better, the things we get taught from day one have helped us get to where we are at today.
For worse, those very same things hold us back in ways we are not consciously aware of.
This can manifest into our behaviors, our thoughts, our feelings and ultimately it affects our relationships.
For example:
Lashing out at others because you lack skills to regulate your own emotions
Withdrawing during a conflict because you fear rejection because it feel threatening to you and it feels like you are no longer loved
Expecting people to read your mind when you have never communicated your needs and wants, then becoming resentful towards them
It is up to us as adults to have the courage and understand why that is and to do better.
Or else, we will end up:
Becoming slaves to our patterns & feeling resentful without knowing why
Mediocre
Settling for what we think we “should” do
Blaming others & expecting others to “rescue” and “fix” you
Living life on autopilot and surviving rather than living
These are some of my worst nightmares.
That is why I have worked so hard to reflect on my life, my experiences, my insights and identify a learning lesson within every hard time. Because that is how I learn and grow.
I encourage my clients to do the same.
That is how you break free of your own limiting self beliefs to live and be the best version of yourself. You owe yourself to try.
This is the core of my work and this is why it’s important to me.
Everything is subjective and context dependent.
Value is subjective.
What we give meaning to depends on what we view as valuable to us.
There is no doubt that we all view the world in our own lens.
The problem is, we often get so comfortable and stuck in our lens that we forget other people don’t view the world in the same way.
Because we all have different lived experiences, perceptions, values and beliefs.
Just because your definition of love and success makes sense to you doesn’t mean it makes sense to other people.
You can’t get mad at other people for not seeing the world the same way you do.
“Egocentric bias - we see everything through a player 1 lens and believe our perspective is the only perspective”. - Sahil Bloom
Like Sahil Bloom have mentioned, we are our own player 1.
In a video game, you play as the main character.
But it’s not till you switch to play as player 2 that you realize you lose certain privileges to call the shots.
To decide what battle arena to play in.
To decide which character to choose first.
To decide how long the game interval will be.
Then you appreciate being player 1 much more.
***
That is the paradox of human nature.
You don’t appreciate things until you lose the privilege to do so.
That is how life works.
If you do not master your own psyche, your own mind, especially your thoughts and emotions.
You lose.
You become player 2.
You will not be able to call the shots.
***
If you define success as doing things perfectly. It would explain why you view every little mistake as a failure.
Because it is the direct opposite of the standard you have set for yourself to “succeed”.
If you define love as a means of sacrifice, endless tolerance, it would explain why you have a negative perception of commitment, because you are afraid of losing yourself.
“You can’t expect someone who has been brought up in a completely different circumstances, not had access to privileges that you’ve had, not have the same morals as you, to react the way you are. They will react the way they deem appropriate when they don’t have a direction.” - Unknown
So when you are in disagreement with someone, or you are trying to understand their perspective and get on the same page with someone… zoom the fuck out of your own perspective.
Try to understand what their definition of love means to them.
Understand how they define and view success, failure, commitment, freedom or any other value that you have.
You will realize how different we all define and understand these concepts.
The differences in these understanding will shed light to why we act out in certain ways, why we think in a certain way.
There is no right or wrong way.
It’s just about senses and meaning.
Remember. Everything is subjective.
Stop trying to view it as absolutes.
Be curious.
Have open dialogue.
Hear each other out.
Understand why the other person views love as a trap.
Understand why someone perceives success as a scam.
Understand why you feel the way you do and perceive things the way you do.
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