Nothing is ever a wasted effort
Here is the audio podcast version on Spotify.
Because it always teaches you something. Use the cards you are dealt to your advantage.
“Nothing is ever a wasted time or effort if it taught you something, which it always does.”
-Eunice Cheung
I was telling this to a client the other day.
A client had 33 sessions with me up to date and we finally wrapped up therapy together.
It has been such a privilege and honor to walk by their side and to see the evolved, improved version of them now.
They are able to set boundaries, be firm and stick to it.
They no longer let people walk all over them.
But they didn’t start off this way.
Because like you and all of us, deep down, we all wanted (or still want) to please others and want them to like us.
Because that’s validation in a nutshell.
It feeds into our self worth, self esteem and our likability.
It took this client and I a year for them to be aware, challenge, unlearn, relearn and reframe better beliefs and values for her to get to where they are now.
They committed to the process of self improvement journey and now they are walking away with tools at their disposal to deal with the problems life will inevitable throw at them.
That is the power of self improvement work.
Start here.
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Here is the truth no-one tells you about therapy, self improvement, self development or whatever name you like to call it.
In your journey of self improvement, you will improve yourself.
You will be better.
You will keep leveling up.
You will live up your fullest potential.
But to do that:
You need to shed off all the toxic, unhealthy, unrealistic, unattainable beliefs and values that you have picked up along the way in your life.
Which involves lots of unlearning and reframing of those beliefs and values.
Most common one being:
“Im not good enough, I never will be, everyone’s better than me. I won’t get this job or relationship.”
First of all, you cannot compare yourself to someone else, the only person you should compare to is your past self.
But that is a separate conversation.
Then you will encounter conflicting emotions, like anger, grief, frustration, sadness.
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Like the analogy I made to this client:
" You recognizing you deserve better and that how you were treated was NOT OKAY, is like coming out of an abusive relationship. It takes time for you to process, realize and recognize that that wasn’t normal or healthy. It’s okay to grief, its okay to be angry.
But don’t think for one second that it was all a waste because it got you to where you are now.
It taught you what to do and what not to do moving forward. The pain of the old situation was strong enough that pushed you to take action to change your situation.
That, in and of itself, is a HUGE win. An immensely valuable gift that experience taught and gave you.” - Eunice Cheung
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At times like this when you realize your worth and that you deserve better…
Your mind will be tempted to go there and go into self criticism mode.
“I should have done this better.”
“ I should have known sooner.”
“I should have stopped sooner.”
“I wasted years on this person.”
“I wasted years on this job.”
This is all normal and valid.
There is grief with every step in your self improvement journey.
Because you now know you deserve better.
The past behaviors and things you let slip by and let go off makes you angry and frustrated.
But that doesn’t mean it was all a waste.
You see…with every mistake, challenge, failure, heartbreak…it all teaches you something. As I have been iterating in all my newsletters this year.
******
Now a personal story I’d like to share with you today.
Context here is, I will be hosting my first in person event with my peers, colleagues who work in the field next month.
The purpose is to get together to connect & talk about the marketing and business side of running a therapy business (or starting one).
Because like school, money never gets talked about or taught.
Yet, we spent 90% of our time earning it.
And if you have been following me on instagram, Linkedlin or this newsletter for a while, you will know that I LOVE addressing the taboos.
Especially in asian culture and asian parents, which is slowly what I am being known for.
P.s. if you’d like to see the golden takeaway lines from my recent KPMG x Asian Female Leaders event on how culture affects Asian Women in navigating stress & burnout, you can check here.
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And now, business x therapy x marketing taboo, I aim to do that with my event.
I launched it a month ago and I was scared to shitless that no-one would show up or attend.
A flood of limiting beliefs and self inner critic negative thoughts flooded my brain.
In that moment, I reached out to my dear friend, Matt and told him about my new idea and how scared I was.
Something he said that hit home for me was this:
“Use the cards you are dealt to your advantage” - Matt Head
Matt’s quote made me think of this.
Be resourceful with what you have, you don’t always need more.
Quality > Quantity.
Sometimes, less is more.
Be resilient.
Having less doesn’t mean you’ve lost.
You can always turn the tide by working with what you have.
Use the cards that you have and make the most out of them.
Because there are many times in life where you don’t get all the information or enough numbers.
You have to work with what you got.
******
My dear friend here is saying even if only one or two people come to my event:
Its a huge step forward for me, personally & professionally
I will be able to serve them more powerfully because its more intimate and personal which allows me to get better feedback to improve on the next event
It gives me authority and credibility and position myself in the field
It shows your impressive determination, dedication, motivation and consistency to have the courage to try make something work. And it’s admirable.
“That’s the best way to start - Create what you want to see in the world” - Matt Head
“And hey, if you aren't gonna fight for that events success, who else will?!”
The takeaway here is this:
1. STARTING IS KEY
Thats the only way you can see change in the world, by starting.
That’s why things like pilot studies, beta tests, test-runs exist.
To gain real life feedback and data.
But most of the time, we are so afraid of failing that we overthink and talk ourselves out of doing things.
I have no doubt that I will grow and learn so much from this event.
I am excited that I get to do this.
I’m excited that I will be meeting 8 incredible people next month to address the taboos with them.
I can’t wait to see what is in store for us.
2. PREPARATION, READING, TUTORIALS CAN ONLY GET YOU SSO FAR
Like starting a new job, you learn on the go.
You realize the shit you learn in uni only prepares you 10% for the actual real-life job.
The knowledge and skills you acquire comes with experience.
The information you gather by taking action and being in the experience on the way prepares you more than books and tutorials ever will.
“Some things in life, can't be taught, only to be experienced for yourself.” - Eunice Cheung
3. EXPERIENCE IS THE TEACHER HERE
Experience and starting is the main character here.
Get comfortable with sucking.
Allow yourself to suck and learn as an amateur
E.g. watch my ammeter reel on Perfectionism from 2022 here.
I may feel cringe re-watching my old content.
But they all stacked up the skills I needed up to this point in my life.
I would not be writing this newsletter if I didn’t start by sucking.
I would not have had the skills and confidence to do speaking gigs this year with SBS Insight, UNSW & KPMG.
EVERYTHING. STACKS. UP. OVER TIME.
As James Clear says, EVERYTHING COMPOUNDS OVER TIME.
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A special thanks and dedication to Matt Head for your words of encouragement and your support.
It still amazes me how people you meet online can end up being the most supportive people of your work.
Matt and I came across each other on Linkdelin and Instagram and we followed each other’s accounts and newsletters earlier this year.
It wasn’t until one day Matt reached out to me and gave me unsolicited, constructive, validating feedback on my writing, that we truly connected.
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Final message to you from me :)
At some point in your life, you are the only person who can save yourself.
You need to be the one to go full speed ahead.
You have to fight for what you want, your dreams, your vision, your goals to make them a REALITY.
You don’t need anyones permission.
*******
Fuck the system.
Fuck what people think.
Launch ahead like a rocket and make it happen.
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That is it for this Newsletter.
The podcast version of this newsletter will be up this week, follow Eunice.Co podcast on Spotify here.
Join the top 5% of self-improvers by figuring our your shitty defaults patterns. Subscribe to my Newsletter HERE.
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If you'd like to get in touch and book in a 1:1 therapy & coaching session, click Here.
If you are ready to be challenged and want to rewire your limiting beliefs, get started with Attack The Roots Of Your Patterns. This ebook will ask you questions that shake you up at your core that you will see yourself, the world and others differently.
Listen to my latest podcast episode on Pain is the driver of Action Here.