“Hustle hard.”

“Put your head down and work hard.”

There is great value in working hard with determination and ambition…

But I realized that hustling hard, grinding 24/7 non-stop is NOT sustainable in the long term.

I realized short term intensity, intense bursts of motivation or work is nothing compared to a long-term sustainable way of working.

Hence, my motto in life - Consistency over intensity, Progress over Perfection.

In life, it doesn’t matter if you hit the gym twice a week, what matters is making it last so it becomes a lifestyle.

In health & dieting, it doesn’t matter if you lose 10kg in a month, what matters is maintaining a healthy diet & exercise routine so you become healthy long-term.

In business, it doesn’t matter if you make a few sales in a week, what matters is making it consistent & retaining it.

Don’t get me wrong - there is beauty in short term intensity but what counts is making the “dance” last.

***

2023 taught me this:

The importance of knowing when to rest, leave, give up cannot be underestimated.

We’ve been taught to work hard, to hustle hard, to race to the finish line.

But never once did we think about WHY we do it and WHAT we are doing it for.

I recently watched a cantonese tv show called The Queen of News, it had a lot of life wisdoms in it, which I loved.

In one of the scenes, one of the characters was having a mental breakdown by the prier, the protagonist goes to her and calls her out out of concern & love.

It was a wake up call that she needed.

Context: the character was feeling low and feels like she has lost herself in her job, relationships. She had no idea who she is and what she was working towards and was on the brink of suicide.

The protagonist then stopped her and said to her:

“We’re all running a race track, towards something in life, but I don’t regret it because I chose it, I’m not doing it for anyone else but myself.

The difference between you and I is that, you’re doing it for your boss, your boyfriend…someone else other than yourself.

You’re only focusing on the outcome, that’s why you’re not enjoying the process of running, the process of getting to your dreams & goals.

It’s meaningless if you’re not doing it for yourself, because you find yourself stuck in a never ending rat-race.

Until you figure out what it is you want in life, work, relationships, the race is meaningless.

So ask yourself & figure out what it is you want.

You can always choose. Once you know what you want, ask for it and chase after it.

Make it a reality.

Nothing comes to you unless you actively seek it out.

Treat yourself with love, cherish yourself. You don’t need someone else to do that but yourself. It all depends on what YOU WANT in life then act accordingly.”

This scene hit the nail on the head for me.

I see people around me chasing after the next promotion, the next big milestone in life without stopping and think if that is something they really want?

Or is it something society told them they should want.

As I continue working as a therapist, I continue to see how dangerous it is to not have a clear sense of self, a clear sense of your VALUES and how to live in alignment with them.

I’m seeing how dangerous it is to not become aware of how your upbringing and family patterns of communication has affected and still affects you in the present day.

If you have been following my newsletter this year, you will know all my newsletters is centered around:

• Self empowerment

• Self accountability

• Self ownership

• Self love

Because I am a firm believer that everything starts within ourselves.

We need to love ourselves to love others.

We need to give ourselves, love, patience, compassion as we do for others.

If you do not treat yourself right, no-one else will.

You teach others how you want to be treated by the way you treat yourself.

You teach others how they should treat you by the boundaries you set with strangers, friends, family, lovers.

Everything starts and lies within YOU.

You just need to access it.

Start here.

Or a DIY version here.

********

Because the reality is - if you don’t believe in yourself, don’t encourage yourself. Noone else will.

Others can always give up on you.

But you will NEVER give up on yourself.

Be your greatest cheerleader.

Become your own best friend.

This scene from the show reinforced everything I’ve written and learned this year throughout all my newsletters, podcasts and blogs.

Everything comes from yourself, look inwards.

If you don’t know what you want, start with identifying what you don’t want in life.

If you don’t know why your self-worth and confidence fluctuates with people’s opinions, ask yourself, why are their opinions of YOU more important than YOUR own opinion of yourself?

Everything starts with the self, yourself and ourself.

Start with self-compassion, self love and self ownership.

“It's not who you think you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.” - Unknown

Own who you are, your traits, your quirks, your interests, passions.

Be unapologetically you.
That is the beauty of living authentically to who you are without shame.

**********

Think Long-term > Short-term

As we reach towards the end of 2023, I can feel myself burning out which is why I haven’t been posting.

Which is also why I decided to write about sustainability and longevity in this Newsletter.

The old me would have felt guilty for not posting content.

But the new me now know that sometimes, I need to disconnect, step back and recharge before I return to the “battlefield”.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

Because I would rather step back to recharge and come back stronger than to continu and risk burning out.

This is all to do with a mindset shift.

Play the long game.

Think long-term > short-term.

*****

My dear friend & coach Matt always comes through with comforting words & good quotes which I am grateful for.

He said to me:

Protect the goose that lays the golden eggs" as author Stephen Covey used to say. As you are they key, and you need to be sustainable, or everything else falls. So a bit of short term dropping of balls to preserve your long term capacity is a worthwhile hit. 

You've worked hard & had a big year. I know in your eyes you're not where you want to be, but hell, you've made some epic process, and look at the person you have become 🤩

I draw comfort in his words and knowing that I need to know when to step back, zoom out & recharge.

Which is what I have been doing, so thank you Matt.

2023 has been a crazy year, huge emotional roller coaster, at times I didn’t think I would be able to make it through.

But I did and that in and of itself is a WIN and a huge achievement.

I hope you celebrate yourself with me before 2023 ends.

Here is a practical exercise for you.

Grab a piece of A4 paper, draw a line in the middle.

On the left, think of the person you were last year Dec 2022.

On the right, think of who you are today Dec 2023.

What are the differences between them?

What have you learnt this year that would help you moving forward?

If you are ready, you can bring these notes in to session with me & we can explore it together.

Book here for a 1:1 therapy & coaching session with me.

*********

I wish you a Merry christmas & restful, nourishing & happy holidays.

Thanks for reading Your millennial therapist’s Newsletter.

See you in 2024 :)

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That is it for this Newsletter.

Join the top 5% of self-improvers by figuring our your shitty defaults patterns. Subscribe to my Newsletter HERE.

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If you'd like to get in touch and book in a 1:1 therapy & coaching session to start identifying your mental patterns and want to REWIRE them, click Here.

If you are ready to be challenged and want to rewire your limiting beliefs, get started with Attack The Roots Of Your Patterns. This ebook will ask you questions that shake you up at your core that you will see yourself, the world and others differently.