Nothing changes unless you change.

Because you can’t change what you are unaware of.

Stop expecting things to change if you don’t change your approach to life, to relationships, to how you communicate.

Doing the same thing & expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity.

The worst case scenario is you reverting back to your old ways.

You have nothing to lose here.

Be brave and try something different.

Think of your life like a science experiment.

Trial & error your way to success, to healthy relationships & friendships.

****

Therapy example

I found myself repeating the same thing recently to 4 of my clients in the context of communicating with their Asian parents.

“Think of yourself as a teenager who is grounded. Your parents are pissed at you. You have a party to get to but you don’t want to make things worst between you & your parents.

What are they going to do that they haven’t already? Ground you more?”

This is a perspective shift.

Because in this context, you’re already grounded & your parents are already mad.

You might as well go to the party & have some fun because it's not going to change the outcome.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to actively rebel against your parents.

I want you to know that sometimes in life, other people’s reactions and emotions are the very thing that is stopping you from doing what you want.

Pay attention and zoom out when that happens.

Ask yourself if you are being held hostage by someone else’s emotions?

****

The fear of speaking up and standing up for yourself because of how your parents might respond back.

Sure, they’ll probably be pissed, mad and yell at you.

But what’s new?

If you say nothing and just “take it”, isn’t that worse?

Because nothing CHANGES.

And nothing will change.

You can never change others.

But you can change yourself, what you do, how you reframe the situation.

You might as well try communicating with them & speaking YOUR truth.

How and whey respond isn’t the important thing here, is the fact that you tried.

I’ll be honest.

It’s not always a happy ending.

But I’ve learnt the important lesson of letting go & acceptance, you can read it here.

“Risk is always better than Regret” -@buildalpha

Because AT LEAST You made yourself, your views, your thoughts and emotions known.

There is always a 50 - 50% chance of getting a YES.

You just need to go after it.

Seek it.

If it is a no, fine, accept it and move on.

But remember the rest is up to the other person, whether it’s a parent, friend or lover.

That is what I want you to remember.

TO have, build, cultivate the courage to stand up for yourself.

Read my previous blog on coping with Asian parents & their invalidation here.

*****
This is a perspective shift.

Because sometimes in life, other people’s reactions and emotions are the very thing that is stopping you from doing what you want.

So zoom out & be clear on what you want vs what others want and project onto you.

You have more agency and power than you think.

Speak up.

Stand up.

Try.

That’s the best you can do.

That’s all that matters.

******

This letter is a short one.

Hope you enjoyed it.

DM me or comment down below to let me know a similar struggle you have in not letting others’ emotions influence your decision & how you can implement this tip you learnt here today :)

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If you're ready to challenge your beliefs, values so you can level up in life, I'm here to help you.

Hi, I'm Eunice Cheung
Your millennial therapist.

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